New Year's Resolutions

January 2, 2008.

Wow! It is already 2008. What the hell happened to 2007. It feels like it was just a few weeks ago I was with friends, drinking and getting ready to "bring in the new year" that was 2007. I never really understood the term "bringing in the new year," I mean it's going to happen whether you are ready or not. Maybe bringing it in means you are ready for it, for a fresh start. I don't know.

And now it's 2008. Fuck. I mean I am glad 2007 is over. A lot happened that I wanted to get passed, mainly regarding family. But still, 2007 went by too fast.

With the start of a new year, people begin their new year's resolutions. We come up with a list of things we want to do different or improve this year. According to Dictionary.com, a resolution is: 1. The state or quality of being resolute, firm determination; 2. A resolving to do something. I know many people do not always follow through with them. In fact, many people will break their resolutions within the first month of 2008. Hell, some of you may already have broken them.

Then again, maybe you are waiting a few days before you really start those resolutions. Taking a few days to enjoy those things you are giving up or cutting back on. Like if you wanted to drink less in 2008, it would make sense to wait a few days to start drinking less in case you wanted to get overly sloshed on New Year's Eve.

I normally don't make any resolutions because I know I never follow through with any of them. Mainly because I am too lazy. And I seem to set too high of goals with my resolutions.

Because of this, I have decided to go back to my idea of goals when I was a student. And Since I will be started Grad School, it seems like the right time. My idea is to set low goals. This way whatever you do you feel accomplished. For example, when I would take a test or write a paper I would always go in with the attitude that I was going to fail or get a "D." So when I would get a "B" or higher I felt very accomplished and good about myself. Sure, this sounds like a bad idea, but imagine you take a test and feel great about it, you are sure you got an "A"; then you get that test back and you failed. You then feel shitty about it and start thinking about if I only studied longer, etc. Well, with my idea, I never feel that way. Try it, you will see how well it works.

Anyway, back to resolutions. Like I said, I never really set any, but based on the way 2007 went and the way 2008 is already looking, I decided I should at least attempt to fulfill my resolutions. Here is what I want to change in 2008:

1. Be Less Lazy: I think this one is self explanatory.
   
2. Get Organized: I find myself still living in boxes since I moved a couple of months ago. I need to get organized so I can find things and not have to constantly dig through boxes.
3. Better Myself: This includes a lot of things from eating better to working out more regularly and getting in back into shape. But also includes being more confident in myself and decisions; I often want to do something (IE move to Dallas, etc) but am afraid to follow through with it because I am unsure of the outcome. Also to not bring myself down when things happen that I can not control; many things happened in 2007, especially with my parents, that I would get so depressed about. There was nothing I could do to change things but I would let it eat at me for so long.
   
4. Find a New Job: I am tired of getting constantly screwed by Mass Communications. I like working here, well I did, and I like most of the people I work with. But the time has finally come for me to move on. Not because I want to necessarily, but because I am being forced to. It is a long fucked up story, part of it is my fault, but basically I am about to become under qualified for what Mass Communications wants to do with my duties. If I stay I will probably get fired, so I am leaving either in June or possibly in August. They have offered me a Graduate Assistant position, but it is less money and no benefits. So, if you know of any openings anywhere, let me know!
5. Pay Off Debt: I know this will not entirely happen but I hope to pay off a good chunk of it in 2008. This will also be aided by finding a new, higher-paying job.
6. Take More Photographs and Build Portfolios: This one is pretty obvious. I need to start taking more photos to better my photography skills. And while taking more photos, build more and better portfolios.
7. Take Advantage of Equipment and People I have Available To Me: I have not used all of my available resources, both people and equipment, as much as I could have. I know its pretty late to start doing this, but I need to really take advantage of all that I have available to me while working at Tech; I am looking for something in a different department at Tech so I can still have access to all that I have now.
   
8. Learn To Play an Instrument: No particular reason, just want to start playing music again. I used to play guitar years ago but quit while in high school. I do now know what I want to learn, but I am leaning towards the banjo.

There are other little things, but they fall under one of the above listed. I really plan on keeping with all my resolutions; some I have to keep, like finding a new job. I have not yet started on my resolutions; I needed some time to think about what they were and what I really needed to change/do different in '08. I plan on starting most of these after my trip to Dallas this weekend. Basically once I start grad school classes next week.

Let's all see how 2008 treats us.

Friday night back in the Bible Belt

I am back in Lubbock. Safe and sound back in the Buckle of the Bible Belt. While I am not entirely excited about being back in Lubbock, I will say I am happy about being back somewhere that I know places I can go and have friends that I can call and go hangout with.

I got back in town Thursday the 27th. I can back early because I thought I had a photography shoot scheduled for Friday. Turned out it was canceled. I was pretty pissed, because a) I needed the money, I would have been paid $300 for the shoot; b) Had I known it was going to be canceled, I would have stayed home and spent some more time with my parents, although I dislike going home I do enjoy spending time with my parents.

Anyway, Thursday was pretty much relax and rest after a 10 hour drive. I just watched some TV, ate and unpacked. Well, I didn't really unpack, I just got everything out of my car.

Friday, since I did not have to get up early for a shoot, I enjoyed sleeping in until about 11. It was nice. After running some errands with a friend I decided to come home and eat. After, I had nothing to do. I could unpack, but I didn't. So, I went to rent some movies.


Before I continue, I just want to give a brief review of these three:
The Kingdom - pretty good, it was about what I expected.
Hot Rod - sucked! I almost bought this based on a friends recommendation, I am glad I did not. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THIS MOVIE!
Evan Almighty - kinda funny. Wasn't as good as Bruce Almighty though. Seemed to me that it was trying to preach more of a message than anything else. Wanda Sykes is pretty funny in it.

I also rented a fourth movie. Now before I say what it is. I want you to watch the trailer. This is the main reason I wanted to see this.


Yup. I rented DOA:Dead or Alive.

No real reason; never played the video game is was supposed to be based on, just thought the trailer was hot. And it also has Jamie Presley. Very nice.
While the movie itself was pretty ridiculous along with the fight scenes, including the ones that looking like the were pulled from Crouching Tiger, I enjoyed it for one reason. Well, two reasons; one is the obvious hot girls fighting. There is a pretty hot bikini-beach volleyball game scene between all four main girls and there is one fight between two of the girls that takes place in the rain. However, the other reason I enjoyed this movie was because of the Kevin Nash. Big Sexy (one of his many wrestling nicknames) plays Bass Armstrong, a wrestler and Presley's father.

I looked for a video of it, but there is a scene in the movie where Kevin and Jamie fight in a father daughter match.

I loved how he was always wearing a dominantly solid color. In the fight with Presley, he is wearing mainly black, it looks much like his wrestling outfit did when he was one of the members of The Outsiders. He is also seen earlier wearing an all red ninja-like outfit.

Once the movie ended, my curiosity rose. Kevin Nash has been in a lot of movies lately as small side character. Obviously his most recent role is in DOA as Bass Armstrong. Before that he was in such classics as Grandma's Boy where he played a mover seen at the beginning of the movie. He was also one of the prison guards in The Longest Yard. (That's him on the left, number 93?) he also played The Russian in The Punisher.
Before The Punisher, according to imdb.com, there is a list of various wrestling events and a few TV series appearances. Until one move sticks out. This blew me away; and to quote a friend, "it wrecked my nuts." Kevin Nash starred in fucking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. Yeah, this one:

But here is what will really "wreck ones nuts": He played Super Shredder!
Imagine Kevin Nash playing Super Shredder:

Fucking unreal.


Also this Friday, while I was running some errands earlier in the day I went to the mall. As I was looking for some new shoes, I walked by KB Toys to find out they were closing and have a sale. So I walked in and started looking around. Most everything has been cleared out already, I guess this sale has been going on for a while. Anyway, I was walking around and saw something I normally wouldn't buy until I found one particular one. Wrestling Figures. Yes, I am a fan of wrestling. I used to watch it quite often until I moved and do not get those channels...which is killing me inside. But I looked through what little they had and found one of my favorite wrestlers.

Razor Ramon, Scott Hall.
His face looks so retarded though. I love how they say they use computer technology to make this figures look "exactly like the person" and they look nothing like them. I mean really, does this look like the real Scott Hall
Well, ok maybe a little. But still, they claim these figures are exact replicas...I'll let you be the judge on that.

One thing I laughed my ass of was if you look closely at his mouth, he has something coming out of it. I honestly can't tell what this is, is it a oddly placed snot? Something else? Who knows, but take a look for yourself:


Now, it is slightly ironic that I found this figure on the same day that I watched DOA starring Kevin Nash and found that Kevin was in TMNT2. Scott Hall and Kevin Nash once formed the great tag team known as The Outsiders.
They, along with Hollywood Hulk Hogan, were the original members of the nWo. Pretty awesome if you ask me.


Based on the awesomeness of Kevin Nash and Scott Hall, I have just found and ordered this:

Tales from outside the Bible Belt...since I have escaped temporarily for the holidays

So, I know I don't post much on here. I am not even gonna say I will start writing more, because I usually don't. I just need to stop being lazy. I have tons of ideas for stuff to write about, but I just get lazy. And when I do write, I tend to only write about personal shit going on in my life. Well, I am sure I will do one of those pretty soon...

But anyway. I am at home, in McAllen, bored. Very bored. Tomorrow is Christmas and I should be excited, but sadly I am only looking forward to leaving on Thursday. I think its pretty bad when I look forward to leaving ANYWHERE to go BACK to Lubbock. My life has become very sad. And now to change the subject...


So, I was looking around the interweb a few days ago; reading various news sites, Mac-related sites, and other "nerd/technology" related sites that I check pretty regularly now. When you work with a lot of techno-nerds you tend to get involved and I feel the need to read the shit they read just so I can join in on the conversations.

I was reading Engadget to be more specific. I found this story about a new mouthpiece that dentists can use to numb the mouth rather than the traditional needle filled with Novocaine. This actually sounds pretty cool. I mean, I have had some dental work done and that is one thing I really hated about getting any dental work done...the fucking Novocaine shot. I mean after that, I didn't mind because I always got gas. But still, that needle fucking sucks. I would much rather sit there for a few minutes before the procedure with a mouthpiece getting my mouth numb rather than get a shot. I mean really, it would make the dentist visit that much more enjoyable...not that they are enjoyable, but more so than it would be having to get a shot.



"Developed by Laguna Hills-based BioMedDevice Limited, and recently approved by the FDA, the so-called gumEase uses no conventional anesthetics, instead relying on cryoanesthesia: basically, the freezer-stored device chills your mouth into numbness. One application of gumEase, which lasts up to 20 minutes, is said to relieve 90% of a patients pain within two to three minutes."

Wait a minute...one application lasts up to 20 minutes??? Um. Um...now this kinda changes things. I mean sure, suck on a frozen mouthpiece for a few minutes and not have to get a shot, great. Sign me up...

Depending on the dental procedure.

Seriously, think about it. You are sitting in the dentists' chair getting something drilled or prodded or whatever the dentist is doing and your gumEase wears off. Right in the middle of everything. I would jump up in so much pain because you could all of a sudden feel everything. Fuck that. No. It is bad enough you can still hear them drilling and what not. I mean sure they give you music, but you can still hear everything. I like getting a lot of gas, then I turn my music off so I can hear the conversation the dentist is having with the nurse and any other passers by. But I am kinda sick that way, I grew up going to surgeries with my dad and just listening.

But still, I would rather have a shot that I know is going to work for as long as it need be, and then some, than use a gumEase. I mean yes, they say you can use multiple ones to get a longer lasting effect, but still. I would rather take the one shot and get it over with.

Read more about gumEase here.

They posted a video of a dental procedure involving gumEase. It is kinda graphic. I might advise some caution before watching. But still, here it is if you are interested:







Just a brief side note, possibly some foreshadowing for a future blog:

Again, I will remind you it is Christmas Eve. I just finished watching "Ernest Saves Christmas," and I am currently watching "WWE Raw's 5th Annual Tribute to the Troops" or whatever they call it now. Yes, I am watching wrestling!

But I began to think...What would Ernest do to save the troops in Iraq/Middle East/etc? Could he single-handedly end the war? I would like to think so.

Actually...FUCK YEAH ERNEST COULD SAVE THE TROOPS AND WIN THE WAR!

Of course, he would have the aid of Vern. Who, based on my research, was a imaginary friend of Ernest's. Or possibly Ernest had multiple personalities, which would make him much more awesome in my book.

Thank you and good night.

But Before We Get Too Excited...

Taken from Freewilliamsburg.com:

Ron Paul Does Not Believe in Evolution.

It's about 3 minutes in.



One comment to the video stated:

"What a wonderful response to a baiting question. The fact of the matter is, the question of evolution is not central in any way to the proper and constitutional obligations and duties of the President of the United States. As a second year law student, with a limited comprehension of constitutional law, I have noticed that the constitution only mandates that the president, and all officers of the government take an oath to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States. Why is a man's religion, or lack thereof, an issue to browbeat him."

First off, "baiting" question? Baiting for what? An answer? Oh boy, how absurd a demand!

And while I agree with the gentleman's point about the President's true duties, I feel it's a bit naive, as it leaves out the unspoken, and oftentimes larger role of the President as an opinion leader. The President of the United States has the largest forum in the world. When the President speaks, the world listens. That's just the way it is, and I don't want that most powerful of voices in the world to disbelieve evolution. Also, it is a matter of politics when it comes to science education for our nation's students. Basically, I would like further clarification from Paul on what he considers "Intelligent Design's" role in public education.

Political Suicide and Some Ron Paul

I saw this today with my boss, and as it came on he said, "Watch this." Being that he's a conservative, I assumed he approved of what I was about to see.

Luckily, the man has more damn sense than that. When it was over he said, "Is nothing sacred?"

Watch for yourself. Personally, I think it's going to backfire.



Dear Mike Huckabee,

I hope you're Christmas is a shit sandwich. Maybe you can tell me what that whole Christmas tree thing is about while you're at it, because it sure as Hell doesn't ring a Biblical bell with me. Oh, and I'd like to see some evidence to prove that December 25 is indeed the birth of Jesus.
While I don't care how much you politicize your religion, I hope that other believers realize how dangerously you're treading. As a former Baptist minister, you should have more respect for your religion than to bring it into the notoriously sullied sphere of politics. Separation of church and state exists to protect not just the state Mr. Huckabee, but also your religion.



But thinking back to my boss, it pleased me tremendously that at least not all conservatives will fall for this Gomer Pyle-lookin' motherfucker.


"Well, golly-gee, I just wants to be your Theocrat-in-Chief."


Moving on...

Ron Paul. I like a lot of what I hear from him, and he is the ONLY Republican candidate I'm willing to even listen to anymore. The rest are completely, completely hopeless, pathetic jokes.

Huckabee's awful POLITICAL ad where he complains, in his bullshit President Bush-inspired good ol' boy "aw shucks" attitude, about POLITICS, actually gets a response from Paul in the next video. It's a good response, and also discussed is the amazing fundraising efforts by Paul's supporters.

But don't stop watching after that, because the little "interview" of Paul by the white woman from Fox and Friends (seriously, I would euthanize these people) is AMAZING. I mean, I've seen some shit in my life, and posted some ridiculous things on blogs before, but this...this is...just...My God, you may want to grab some duct tape and wrap it around your head, going under your chin and back over the top several times just to keep your jaw from falling completely off. That, and don't have a gun nearby. Suicide might not seem fairly reasonable.



"One-word response." ?!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!!????????!?!!!?!?!??!??!?!!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????!!!!!!!!!!???!?!?!?!!!!!!!??????!!!????!?

The gun is in my hands, pressed to my head, I'm shaking - "Please Fox and Friends, I can't...don't make me...I just can't go on anymore. The media is so...fucking...goddamn...fuck...please no more retarded....the world is so fucking fucked...ah Jesus...shit man, this isn't how the news is supposed to....fuck..goddamn..."

BLAM!!!


Sweet release. No more Fox and Friends.

Government Shredding Services - Wow.

That is, in chart form, the federal government's contracting costs for paper shredding services.

In 2000, the cost was $452,807. In 2006 it reached 2.9 million. And now, with 2007's records kept only through the second quarter and part of the third, the cost already reached $2,274,143. From 2000 to 2007, that's a 600 percent increase during the Bush administration.


I guess they have a lot to hide? So much so that they have required the services of 184 different contractors.


This frightening information comes from a sweet new Web site dedicated to documenting federal expenditures. It's USAspending.gov, and it's a database which "allows users to search by contracts and grants, contractor names, congressional districts and lawmakers. The data can be easily downloaded and used. A 'wiki' function gives users a chance to suggest changes and add information. Charts and rankings show to whom and where the bulk of federal dollars go." (Washington Post article)


The Web site is the ultimate result of a bill co-sponsored last year by senators Barack Obama and Republican Tom Coburn (Okla.), requiring the government to set up just such a searchable database by January 1, 2008. (Holy crap, perhaps the most amazing part of the story is that the government actually did something in the time they said they would. Before even! This might just call for rejoicing in the streets!)

News of the bill generated some contraversy when there was a secret hold placed on it, essentially crippling any discussion or vote on the matter. It was later revealed that, surprise surprise, corrupt Alaskan Senator The-Internet-is-not-a-dumptruck Ted Stevens was the "secret Senator."

Luckily, we now have this awesome tool to monitor goverment spending, and tax-paying citizens are finally empowered with some transparency into their leaders' spending and contracting habits.

From the same Washington Post article:

"The site goes further than the law demands, posting information every two weeks rather than every month and providing information on whether the contracts were subject to competitive bidding."

This last part will probably lead to some interesting information in regard to military and security contracts, and whether or not no-bid contracts were awarded to old friends in high places.

The site was created by a non-profit group working with the Office for Management and Budget for the cost of $600,000.

Lastly, I believe this should be played up by Obama's campaign, as it would be quite a highlight on his legislative experience. And, it definitely gave me another reason to like him.

Country Bumpkin Ding-Dang-Diddlies his Way to the Big City

So, this here yokel is damn near to deciding that he's going to move to New York City. Now, this doesn't imply that I've really given it much thought, cuz I haven't.

I've just decided.

Or, almost, kinda-sorta-maybe decided.

Now is the time in some blogs when the writer might ask for advice. But tell you what, I'm not going to do that, because honestly, I wouldn't listen. What the hell have you people done for me lately anyway, huh? (please, send money)

Not once in my life have I done something that really scared me, and in most cases I don't take chances. I played the lotto once, lost, it broke my heart, and I haven't been able to put myself out there like that again because I'm afraid of getting hurt. True story.


My current life in Alpine, Texas has not been bad, but that whole thing about not being able to go home again, well, I suppose I'm living the cliche. Things are strange and alien here, and in fear of keeping the cliches going, I feel like I'm losing myself. I don't even feel comfortable around old friends, ones I was sure with whom I could easily fall back into some sort of rhythm. But being back has me also questioning my own mind, who I am, and my abilities. An overall questionable mental health prevails. Paranoia, I fear, might have forced me into seclusion with my cats.

In their defense, they are pretty cool cats.

But this is not about the present. This is more about a radical future. Shit, for that matter, any future. Right now it's septic tanks, thousands of gallons of human waste week in and week out, sweat falling off me as this mama's boy struggles to maximize his shovel's efficiency.

On a side note, did you know you shouldn't flush condoms down the toilet? You should know that. Especially if you have a septic tank. Man, you'd be amazed what we find in the old ones we have to replace. (my boss told me about a lady who learned about her teenage daughter's sexual debauchery when she was able to see for herself the large amount of prophylactics in their septic tank. people are fucking stupid man)

But I wonder, are there gigs in New York City where i can participate in paid laboratory tests that are trying to get to the bottom of self-loathing, potentially using it as an alternative fuel source? I can power at least two boroughs. You know, if the science is available.


An old friend of mine lives there and his wife works for martha stewart. I'm thinking that's my in. That way I can seduce Martha and get her money. Plus, she can bake me a cake to get the awful taste of lost dignity out of my mouth, after doing the things (anything) I'm willing to do for that hot, sexy cash. And besides, she's not a bad lookin' lady. I'm sure she wouldn't say no to a young love slave of some sort.


Another point of concern: Are handlebar mustaches allowed in New York? Or did Guliani ban those as a part of his aggressive enforcement-deterrent strategy to crack down on crime?

That's a big concern for me, and a possible dealbreaker. (more on my mustache later. it's deserving of it's own blog post. maybe even it's own blog.)


If New York is indeed a decision I make, I figure I should have some sort of plan. You know, something to fall back on if Martha Stewart somehow manages to resist my advances, however dashing and gallant they would certainly be.


Already on my list of options is a well-paying freelance writing gig, as related to me by the same chap with the martha stewart-connected wife.

And how New York is this - it involves writing synopses of porno movies. It's funny because another friend, one who has rather philanthropically offered me futon rights in his apartment, had a similar first job, where he wrote product descriptions of sex toys to be sold online. Now, I'm not sure how resume-building such employment would be, but the pay is allegedly good. Plus I'm sure momma would be proud, along with every writing teacher who ever praised me.

It would certainly be a challenge. I mean, there are so many new writerly questions and obstacles. Do the back of porno movie DVDs follow AP style? Or the MLA format? I better get to researching these things, lest I embarrass myself while talking to a possible employer.

Mostly I fear that I would run out of synonyms for 'explosive cumshot.' (concussive orgasm? artilleryesque...umm...Pollock-esque.......I'll stop there.) But perhaps I'm projecting far too grammatical and literary eyes onto the fans of such entertainment. (Ha, I can see myself fretting over whether people were actually reading my work. Like: "But...but, do they understand me? Did they pick up on that Hemingway allusion in the last paragraph?")

All in all, I couldn't turn down a job that offered me the opportunity to, frustratingly stooped over a laptop trying to compose copy, yell to a roommate, "Quiet, dammit! I'm trying to work here!" over the background ambience moans of Gluteus to the Maximus.

This is the Only Movie I Want to See Anymore

I know absolutely nothing about this, and I don't care. It's...just...sweet jesus...

Talking Jesus Doll Hotter than Flapjacks

For those of you fretting over what to buy me for Christmas, this is not what I want. And even if I did, you might not be able to find one.

It is a 12-inch talking Jesus "action figure." I actually wrote about it in July, when it was reported that a limited number of Wal Mart stores would begin selling Bible figures in order to test for "interest in faith-based toys."

And apparently the interest is there, as WalMart now claims they have sold out of the lil' plastic saviors, and Target.com is also running low.

Here's the product description from Target.com:

• This colorful and richly detailed talking figure brings the New Testament to life with a Jesus character that kids can play with and move
• God’s only son, Jesus helped people by teaching them God’s lessons, healing them and performing miracles
• The Biblical character comes with a vibrant mini storybook that kids may follow and use to recreate the tales
• A delightful "action figure" and fully interactive way for children to learn and participate in religious education
• For ages 3 yrs. and up


And lest the Lord be a dick about it...

• Batteries Included!


Oh, praise God! My child doesn't have to burn for all Eternity in Hell just because I forgot to stock up on double-a's!

(And am I to understand that kids under the age of three are just doomed, hellbound?)


Now, if you're still wondering what to get me for Christmas, besides a mustache cup, maybe you could convince the makers of these toy messiahs to make some fucking Bee Gees action figures. It would only take a few modifications.



See?

A Constitutional Defense of Titty Bars

From the AP:

Austin: A coalition of strip clubs has filed a lawsuit seeking to block a state law that would add a $5 surcharge for every strip club visitor.

The new fee, which was approved this year by the Texas Legislature, is set to take effect on Jan. 1. It's expected to raise about $40 million to be dispersed for sexual assault prevention programs and health care for the uninsured.

The lawsuit argues that the fee would amount to an unconstitutional tax on nude dancing, a form of expression protected by the First Amendment.


So listen up Cherry, Destiny and Candy - you aren't just strippers anymore. You are beacons of free speech, defenders of democracy, and you must never let your important messages, expressed via a complex set of impressionistic movements and minimally-jiggly fake titties, to be hindered in any way from reaching the public consciousness. These are such important messages, in fact, that you are often tipped for them. I mean, how often are we stuffing dollar bills down the belts of our Congress men and women, or even our religious leaders? (Then again, I'm pretty sure most of them aren't above excepting money in such a manner.)


Apparently the Texas legislature does not see the important First Amendment ramifications here. I mean, I understand that the gradual disrobing is actually a metaphor for our own slowly stripped away rights to privacy in this post-9/11 world. I get it. Although I still haven't figured out the symbolism of the schoolgirl outfit. Then again, maybe a schoolgirl outfit is just a schoolgirl outfit.

So Candy, grind on the groin of that dollar-bill clutching gentleman this evening, and don't forget to whisper something all hot and sexy about the unconstitutionality of this accursed tax. It might just teach him something.

It’s Crystal Clear, McAllen, TX is the place to be

For those who never had the pleasure of visiting McAllen, rest assure, you are not missing much.

I went home for Thanksgiving. This was the first time in several years that I have been home for Thanksgiving. It was nice. I had a good time, for the most part. Went to the border and did some fishing and drinking. Was supposed to do a fishing photo shoot (hence the reason for being on the border fishing), but it was too overcast so we just hung out, drank and fished. Good times. I don’t know anyone in McAllen, since my parents moved while I was already in college, so it was nice to go and do something with my dad and some of his friends. The shoot was actually for a local fishing magazine my dad's friend puts out.

This is not about my trip home or my fishing trip on the Texas/Mexico border. This is about a trip to a flea market in McAllen, TX.


Now, again, I am not from McAllen. My parents moved there when my dad got a new job. So basically, when I go home, I sit around with my parents and watch tv. I don’t have any high school buddies to hang out with and I don’t really know the area that well so I don’t go anywhere by myself. Which is fine by me…for the most part. It’s nice being with my parents, but sometimes boring.

Anyway, when I got back from Mexico on Saturday (again, another story for another blog) I decided to go exploring. Truth be told, I wanted to go to a local CD store. Not like a Best Buy, more of a Ralph’s Records type place. So, I was driving around, trying to find any stores, basically getting lost, until finally I found a little flea market type place. They had records so I figured I would see what they had. Keep in mind McAllen is pretty close to the border, so there are a lot of Hispanics there; most people speak Spanish; when I go home I feel like the minority. So I was not surprised to find mainly Hispanic/Mexican/etc music.

But I did find something that tickled my fancy:


Fucking Crystal Pepsi! A six pack of it was sitting in a old fridge they have in the back of the shop. I was blown away. This stuff must be so old. I was about twelve when Crystal Pepsi came out. I remember me and my friend used to ride our bikes to Albertsons and buy so much of this stuff. From what I remember it did not taste too good, and definitely did not taste like Pepsi.

I then remembered the awesome commercials. The ones that had the "Right Now," song by Van Halen.





I wanted to buy them. I dont know if I would have tried them, but still I think it would something cool to have around. Now, they did not have a price on them so I had to ask someone. The guy running the store told me I had to buy the whole six pack (which I expected) and he told me it was $20.

Twenty fucking dollars for a six pack of Crystal Clear Pepsi!!! Are you kidding me? I mean its probably not even safe to drink anymore and he wanted twenty dollars! I could not believe it. He said it was a collectors item now and the six pack was supposedly one of the first to arrive in McAllen. Right. Even if that was true, I do not see how that would warrant charging $20 for a six pack of nearly 15=year-old soda. As much as I would have liked to have them, I could not justify paying so much. Plus, I only had $5 cash and they did not take credit cards.


On a side note, while searching YouTube for Crystal Pepsi commercials I found these, ads for "new" coke starring Bill Cosby:






Classic stuff. And to think, I just thought Bill Cosby did commercials for pudding and pudding pops.

Also, does anyone remember Max Headroom? He used to freak me the hell out. But he also did a coke commercial: