Talking Jesus Doll Hotter than Flapjacks

For those of you fretting over what to buy me for Christmas, this is not what I want. And even if I did, you might not be able to find one.

It is a 12-inch talking Jesus "action figure." I actually wrote about it in July, when it was reported that a limited number of Wal Mart stores would begin selling Bible figures in order to test for "interest in faith-based toys."

And apparently the interest is there, as WalMart now claims they have sold out of the lil' plastic saviors, and Target.com is also running low.

Here's the product description from Target.com:

• This colorful and richly detailed talking figure brings the New Testament to life with a Jesus character that kids can play with and move
• God’s only son, Jesus helped people by teaching them God’s lessons, healing them and performing miracles
• The Biblical character comes with a vibrant mini storybook that kids may follow and use to recreate the tales
• A delightful "action figure" and fully interactive way for children to learn and participate in religious education
• For ages 3 yrs. and up


And lest the Lord be a dick about it...

• Batteries Included!


Oh, praise God! My child doesn't have to burn for all Eternity in Hell just because I forgot to stock up on double-a's!

(And am I to understand that kids under the age of three are just doomed, hellbound?)


Now, if you're still wondering what to get me for Christmas, besides a mustache cup, maybe you could convince the makers of these toy messiahs to make some fucking Bee Gees action figures. It would only take a few modifications.



See?