A Constitutional Defense of Titty Bars

From the AP:

Austin: A coalition of strip clubs has filed a lawsuit seeking to block a state law that would add a $5 surcharge for every strip club visitor.

The new fee, which was approved this year by the Texas Legislature, is set to take effect on Jan. 1. It's expected to raise about $40 million to be dispersed for sexual assault prevention programs and health care for the uninsured.

The lawsuit argues that the fee would amount to an unconstitutional tax on nude dancing, a form of expression protected by the First Amendment.


So listen up Cherry, Destiny and Candy - you aren't just strippers anymore. You are beacons of free speech, defenders of democracy, and you must never let your important messages, expressed via a complex set of impressionistic movements and minimally-jiggly fake titties, to be hindered in any way from reaching the public consciousness. These are such important messages, in fact, that you are often tipped for them. I mean, how often are we stuffing dollar bills down the belts of our Congress men and women, or even our religious leaders? (Then again, I'm pretty sure most of them aren't above excepting money in such a manner.)


Apparently the Texas legislature does not see the important First Amendment ramifications here. I mean, I understand that the gradual disrobing is actually a metaphor for our own slowly stripped away rights to privacy in this post-9/11 world. I get it. Although I still haven't figured out the symbolism of the schoolgirl outfit. Then again, maybe a schoolgirl outfit is just a schoolgirl outfit.

So Candy, grind on the groin of that dollar-bill clutching gentleman this evening, and don't forget to whisper something all hot and sexy about the unconstitutionality of this accursed tax. It might just teach him something.