My New Radio and Television Role Model, Petey Greene

Apparently Don Cheadle made a feature film not so long ago where he himself portryed tv and radio talk show host, Petey Greene. Being a dumbass, I paid it no mind.

And even after seeing the following, I'm still not sure I will see that movie, Talk to Me, but I will seek out the documentary.

Long story short, he was from Washington, D.C., a high school dropout, was kicked out of the army for drug use, and ended up with a 10-year prison sentence for armed robbery.

That's where he got his first "radio" experience - as the prisons's disc jockey. How fucking cool is that?

Anyway, that, combined with his idea to convince a fellow inmate to threaten suicide by leaping from a water only to "save his life" by talking him down, would take time off his sentence.

After leaving prison, he took a job at an AM station to host his own show, "Rapping with Petey Greene," and later ended up with a tv show.

Howard Stern was/is a big fan, and enjoyed one of his first tv appearances thanks to Mr. Greene.

According to Wikipedia:
"On March 8, 1978, he was invited as a guest to the White House by President Jimmy Carter to honor visiting Yugoslavian President Josip Broz Tito. He famously quipped to the Washington Post that he 'stole a spoon' during the evening gala."


If you're not already convinced that this man is an entertainment god, check out his advice on eating watermelon.



Then a preview of his documentary.

Mainstream, Traditional Media: Not always biased, just really stupid.

The first is funny.




This one's not so funny. And not surprisingly, The Montel Williams Show was cancelled three days after this aired.

Political Suicide and Some Ron Paul

I saw this today with my boss, and as it came on he said, "Watch this." Being that he's a conservative, I assumed he approved of what I was about to see.

Luckily, the man has more damn sense than that. When it was over he said, "Is nothing sacred?"

Watch for yourself. Personally, I think it's going to backfire.



Dear Mike Huckabee,

I hope you're Christmas is a shit sandwich. Maybe you can tell me what that whole Christmas tree thing is about while you're at it, because it sure as Hell doesn't ring a Biblical bell with me. Oh, and I'd like to see some evidence to prove that December 25 is indeed the birth of Jesus.
While I don't care how much you politicize your religion, I hope that other believers realize how dangerously you're treading. As a former Baptist minister, you should have more respect for your religion than to bring it into the notoriously sullied sphere of politics. Separation of church and state exists to protect not just the state Mr. Huckabee, but also your religion.



But thinking back to my boss, it pleased me tremendously that at least not all conservatives will fall for this Gomer Pyle-lookin' motherfucker.


"Well, golly-gee, I just wants to be your Theocrat-in-Chief."


Moving on...

Ron Paul. I like a lot of what I hear from him, and he is the ONLY Republican candidate I'm willing to even listen to anymore. The rest are completely, completely hopeless, pathetic jokes.

Huckabee's awful POLITICAL ad where he complains, in his bullshit President Bush-inspired good ol' boy "aw shucks" attitude, about POLITICS, actually gets a response from Paul in the next video. It's a good response, and also discussed is the amazing fundraising efforts by Paul's supporters.

But don't stop watching after that, because the little "interview" of Paul by the white woman from Fox and Friends (seriously, I would euthanize these people) is AMAZING. I mean, I've seen some shit in my life, and posted some ridiculous things on blogs before, but this...this is...just...My God, you may want to grab some duct tape and wrap it around your head, going under your chin and back over the top several times just to keep your jaw from falling completely off. That, and don't have a gun nearby. Suicide might not seem fairly reasonable.



"One-word response." ?!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!!????????!?!!!?!?!??!??!?!!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????!!!!!!!!!!???!?!?!?!!!!!!!??????!!!????!?

The gun is in my hands, pressed to my head, I'm shaking - "Please Fox and Friends, I can't...don't make me...I just can't go on anymore. The media is so...fucking...goddamn...fuck...please no more retarded....the world is so fucking fucked...ah Jesus...shit man, this isn't how the news is supposed to....fuck..goddamn..."

BLAM!!!


Sweet release. No more Fox and Friends.

Heartbreaking Photojournalism and Brilliant Insight

"The press is certainly a business, and in order to survive it must be a successful business. But the right balance must be found between marketing considerations and journalistic responsibility. Society's problems can't be solved until they're identified. On a higher plane, the press is a service industry, and the service it provides is awareness. Every story does not have to sell something. There's also a time to give."

What a wonderful man - James Nachtwey.

This gave me that weird tightening in my throat when I try not to start crying. Perhaps that sentence was cheesy, but watch this and try not to feel something. I assure you, you will fail.

(and yeah yeah, I know there's a BMW ad at the beginning. whatever. it's short. and the photos start around 4 minutes in.)

Just Something that CNN Failed to Mention

From cnn.com:

The company that syndicates Rush Limbaugh's radio program defended the talk-show host Wednesday over his controversial "phony soldiers" remark, saying it's "unfair" to assume the comment was directed at combat troops opposing the Iraq war.

Mark Mays, CEO of Clear Channel Communications Inc., wrote a letter to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, saying, "Over the years Mr. Limbaugh has repeatedly praised the dedication and valor of our brave men and women in uniform.

"Given Mr. Limbaugh's history of support for our soldiers, it would be unfair for me to assume his statements were intended to personally indict combat soldiers simply because they didn't share his own beliefs regarding the war in Iraq."

What they failed to mention, something I have yet to forget from a 2004 Rolling Stone article on Clear Channel's near omnipresence, was the relationship Mark's father Lowry had with our current president:

Critics say the company also has a political agenda, given Clear Channel executives' close ties to George W. Bush...

Clear Channel communications resides in a green-glassed sprawling office complex in San Antonio. Company founder Lowry Mays is an ex-Air Force officer and a Texas Republican whom George W. Bush appointed to a state technology council when he was governor.


And the son continues to suckle from the right-wing teat...or wait, is my metaphor mixed up? Is he the corporate teat nursing the right-wing idealogues?

Either way, Mark Mays, CEO of one of the worst corporations in America, is hardly an objective man.

And on another note, why would a man interested only in making money for his shareholders have any interest in slamming one of his biggest moneymakers, no matter how despicably and sensationally he gains those ratings?

Iraq War Documentaries on Must-See List

War Made Easy





No End in Sight





The War Tapes



I have yet to see any of these, but want to see them all. Surprisingly, No End in Sight is playing in Alpine of all damn places.

America! Fuck...Yeah?

So, like, we're pretty much winning in Iraq now, right? From the snippets of Fox News I've seen, it's just a matter of days before the victory parades with well-titted white women dressed like red, white and blue spangled lady liberties waving to starry-eyed blonde babies from their slowly passing floats. Maybe after the parades we can all jerk off to the fireworks.

You know how else I know we're winning? I'll show you.


Lookie!!!






Finally, the token inspirational burn child gets to meet Captain America! What else could any young Iraqi kid ever want? Not to get doused in gas and set on fire? Laaaame. Meeting Spiderman dumbass, is way way coooler.


On a side note, and maybe my comic-book inclined friends can inform me, but didn't Captain America die recently? Or was that just a liberal conspiracy to undermine the morale of our troops? Did miracle-worker Petraeus revive him with his immaculate integrity? Did Bush give a no-bid contract to Marvel? Is Joe Lieberman asking to send the rest of the Marvel cast of characters into Iran? Will the X-Men have to adhere to the Geneva conventions?

Oh boy, too many questions, too many questions. Either way, it sure looks like Baghdad's going to get a Universal Studios some time pretty soon. That ought to tame those rascally insurgents and terrorists.

Taking Up the Gauntlet for the Cause of Shit Mountain's Delicate Ecosystem

Seriously, this Michael Vick shit has got to stop. Cnn.com actually had it taking precedence over the resignation of Alberto Gonzales yesterday.

This story is out of control and I blame all parties. For one, Michael Vick fucked up. Training dogs to fight is cruel and he should be punished for it. Have you ever tried to even be near a dog that has been trained to fight? They're not friendly dogs, and they become worthless as pets, because they'll bite your kibbles and bits off when you're just trying to get out their way. So that part of the story should be put to rest. Anyone thinking that dogfighting is acceptable is living in the past.

As for the attention the story is receiving: The NAACP and others have charged there are racist motivations involved and that the story does not warrant this much attention. They're right about it not warranting attention, especially headline-level attention. But he's not being singled out because he's a black athlete; he's being singled out because he's a rich athlete. Again, this is a matter of celebrity and class, not race.

Until we realize that, we will not address our fucked up obsession with celebrity and how anything that some celebrity does is news. Why can't we just have news? Why does the media have to reduce all information to the same level of importance? By providing an "entertainment" portion to the news, and then giving it near-equal time and imbibing it with the same amount of journalistic effort (given, not much) as they do the resignation of an attorney general, it lowers the value of both. It's kind of like mixing religion and politics.

The NFL is also fucked up for being more concerned with Vick's gambling than his butchering of man's best friends. I guess dog fighting doesn't conflict with their image though, so only the gambling is bad for business.


But there I go, just filling the Internet with more shit by talking about it, creating ever more layers to the nonsense, kinda like this sedimentary rock formation seen here:



See, layer upon layer of shit is added, and with the ever-decreasing timespan it takes for media stories to flourish and take on lives of their own, what we create, essentially, is a Shit Mountain.

The question becomes, "Who is King Fuck of Shit Mountain?"

Actually, no, that's not the question. I just like that phrase. To be honest, it's not really like sedimentary rock formations. Not at all. It's more of a really lazy, self-sustaining loop. But in the spirit of lazy journalism, I'm just going to let that idea drop.


And finish with some bullet points.

1. Lubbock and Texas Tech are so much better, bearable even, when all the students are gone. Walking on campus today reminds me why I support nuclear armament. (And yeah, you CAN hug with nuclear arms, it's just not very cuddly, not something you'd want to spoon with perhaps)

2. Man of the Year starring Robin Williams was not what I expected, and it also was not terrible, something I also didn't expect. What a glowing review huh? Not terrible.

3. Dane Cook also needs to stop. As does the absurd level of whoring out of the main myspace page after you sign in. I realize the News Corp. juggernaut now owns this little site, but can't it be a little less gaudy?

random...
We are now voluntarily doing the work of marketers - see, social networking sites are datamining opportunities. By willingly listing our favorite books, movies, tv shows, etc., we are offering ourselves and our interests up for easy cataloguing. I'm not here to suggest paranoid delusions of marketers targetting people individually, but rather we are eliminating the need for any sort of market research. Consider facebook's hyperlinking of information in those categories of personal interest...(and we should be making these assholes' jobs harder, not easier)

As much positive talk there is in regard to people being empowered through the Internet, user-generated content making dents in traditional corporate media, and new ways to express ourselves via things like social networking profiles, there doesn't seem to be much critical analysis of what's going on. Sure, we're expressing ourselves, but isn't it typically more mundane bullshit? Aren't we just spending time delicately crafting advertisements of ourselves? We're essentially crafting ourselves into a socially-networked brand. We are reducing ourselves to advertisements I fear.

And lastly, on a personal note...

I've been kind of quiet about this, as I wasn't sure until recently, but yeah, I'll be leaving Lubbock in a week. I was going to write a long thing about shit I'll miss, shit I won't miss and make a whole open letter to Lubbock, and maybe i still will, but for now I'll just say that I'm moving back to Alpine to get in touch with my inner beard. More news to come on that. I'm sure you will wait patiently by your computer for updates...

Reading is for Suckers

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends:
they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors,
and the most patient of teachers.
Charles W. Eliot

Whenever the people are well-informed, they can be trusted with their own government.
Thomas Jefferson

From the Associated Press:
One in four adults say they read no books at all in the past year, according to an Associated Press-Ipsos poll released Tuesday. Of those who did read, women and seniors were most avid, and religious works and popular fiction were the top choices.

So, even the people that ARE reading are falling into the sad latter category of the following quote:

I divide all readers into two classes: Those who read to remember and those who read to forget.
William Phelps

Great, great news America. We wonder why China's going to make us our slaves in a few years.

Other depressing points from the study:

People from the South read a bit more than those from other regions...

Holy shit, really? But wait...

...mostly religious books and romance novels.

Oh okay, that makes more sense.

What else can you tell me to brighten my day, oh most depressing poll of polls?

The Bible and religious works were read by two-thirds in the survey, more than all other categories. Popular fiction, histories, biographies and mysteries were all cited by about half, while one in five read romance novels. Every other genre -- including politics, poetry and classical literature -- were named by fewer than five percent of readers.

But wait, television can pretty much tell me all I need to know about those three boring genres, right? Right? I can understand the concept of blowback by watching two pundits, one extremely left and one extremely right, given two minutes to yell over one another on Fox News, right? Right?

(personal side note - at least one, maybe two of the Hastings stores in Lubbock no longer have poetry sections. However, they do have a fairly large subgenre of religious fiction that is called, Religious Romance. I have yet to put my mind back together after thinking about this concept, nor did I have the courage to explore this abomination.)

(2nd personal side note - I was in Barnes and Noble yesterday and overheard an older couple, probably mid-60s, with the wife obviously wanting to be in the store and the husband looking dragged-along, provide the following gem:

Husband, after seeing the title of the section of books to which he was headed: "Religious Fiction, huh? That's a pretty good name for it. That's what most of it is.")

Back to the story, and the final point of interest:

There was even some political variety evident, with Democrats and liberals typically reading slightly more books than Republicans and conservatives.

That's really too good. Immediately I wanted to jump on an "I told you so" bandwagon, but making a partisan issue of this probably isn't the best thing to do. We really all need to be reading more.

That being said, the head of the book publishing company's trade group has a pretty awesome response:

The Karl Roves of the world have built a generation that just wants a couple slogans: "No, don't raise my taxes, no new taxes," Pat Schroeder, president of the American Association of Publishers, said in a recent interview. "It's pretty hard to write a book saying, 'No new taxes, no new taxes, no new taxes' on every page."

Not to be outwitted, White House spokesman Tony Fratto actually had a response. Personally, I can only venture to guess that this study ruffled conservatives' feathers, otherwise why would the White House even comment?
Either way, he said this:

Obfuscation usually requires a lot more words than if you simply focus on fundamental principles, so I'm not at all surprised by the loquaciousness of liberals.

Obfuscation? Loquaciousness? Boy, thems some mighty big ol' words aint they? (Maybe he's just a fan of alliteration?)

It seems spokesman Fratto briefly forgot to pander to his base. Doesn't he know their vocabulary level? The way I see it, those two words in that quote reveal an insecurity covered over by a brief foray into vocabulary above a fifth-grade reading level.


Overall the poll reveals that we are a nation dependent on new forms of media to provide us information about the world. Television and the Internet are the dominant forms, and while the latter has managed to at least provide a bit of democracy to news dissemination, it is still not the best medium for gaining true knowledge. Access to this information superhighway in no way assumes it is accompanied by depth.

Without going on too far of a tangent, I'll say that the Internet is a horizontally-based medium. Instead of moving deeper and deeper into the logic, reason or weaving together of an argument or story, Internet users tend to skim things, leaping instantly to tangents or outright changes of subject via hyperlinks, banner ads, etc. It's almost like a side-scrolling video game, for lack of a better metaphor.

Books meanwhile engage you much more deeply. This I would describe as a vertical medium, allowing for a more complex and nuanced form of knowledge acquisition. A reader is able to follow longer explanations that, in contrast to Fratto's charge of "loquaciousness," do provide much more context and explanation than any other medium. Let's face it, shit's complicated, and books are the only way to go.


Maybe the following quotes give ideas better than my own:

We are drowning in information but starved for knowledge.
John Naisbitt

That says it quite well, but let's add this depressing one from George Bernard Shaw:
Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

Indeed, I think we truly are getting what we deserve. A nation of fools will only elect fools as their leaders.

But let's finish with something fun, shall we?

The more that you read,
the more things you will know.
The more that you learn,
the more places you'll go.
Dr. Seuss

We've Been Watching Wrestling Videos Again...

I reprint here, for your consideration as our new national anthem, Hulk Hogan's theme song, "Real American." Keep in mind that legislation would be passed to require an enemy combatant receive an irish whip, boot to the face, and leg drop during every public rendition. (I realize that's probably pretty unreasonable, but let's pretend that we live in a future world where guantanamo prisoners are rented out for purposes like these, in order to fund more anti-terrorist, baby-saving surveillance technologies. See, basically, the private sector would be introduced to guantanamo, and corporations could use prisoners as slave labor, Hollywood stunt doubles, legdrop recipients, etc.) (Or maybe we could just legdrop a liberal, because Ann Coulter says they're pretty much the same as a terrorist.)

Sorry for the near-tangential prologue there. Moving on...

(Read it aloud, with gusto; it'll keep those "colors from running.")

I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

When it comes crashing down, and it hurts inside,
ya' gotta take a stand, it don't help to hide,
Well, you hurt my friends, and you hurt my pride,
I gotta be a man; I can't let it slide,
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

I feel strong about right and wrong,
And I don't take trouble for very long,
I got something deep inside of me, and courage is the thing that keeps us free,
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

Well you hurt my friends, and you hurt my pride,
I gotta be a man; I can't let it slide,
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!



I consider it a major military and foreign policy blunder by Bush that he did not declare "Real American" the new anthem on September 14 as he famously stood on that pile of rubble. When he addressed the workers via bullhorn and said "I can hear you. The rest of the world hears you. And the people who knocked down these buildings will hear all of us soon," he should have added "and they'll also hear this sweet Rick Derringer tune about being a real american. And it's gonna be fucking loud, too," the workers responding with a resounding, energetic and fluctuating chant of "USA, USA! Hogan, Hogan! USA, USA!"

And let's face it, that Francis Scott Key shit-spangled banner song or whatever is sooo 1800s. It's your fucking grandpappy's anthem, and we need a powerful, hip young message that lets the evildoers know we're not gonna let shit slide. Oh no, "when it comes crashing down...we fight for what's right," even if we're not totally sure what that is. (Although, I've been told it's the right to buy a shitload of flags and suddenly rediscover blind patriotism as a replacement for political awareness and participation in democracy.)


Come on America, get your shit together, quit being a pussy, and write your congressman to tell them the next time you put your right hand over your heart, you want to be singing this:

Hot Fuck Action TO THE MAX

Sorry for the title. I just wanted some attention today, and I thought a base, sexual quote from Boogie Nights would do the trick. Also, further apologies may be needed because if you were indeed expecting said maximum, piping-hot fuck action, well, you may have to go elsewhere.

Unless of course, your loins ache at the mention of things like:

Executive Privilege
Mmmmmmm...steamy!

Impeachment as a cure to the constitutional crisis in which we find ourselves
Aaaww shit that's hot!

Or even the oh-my-god-its-burning-my-skin-dont-touch-it heat of
No Warrant Eavesdropping Programs


Wet yet? Sure you are. I know you get off on that shit.

There's so much hardcore fucking of the rule of law right now by the White House that it's mindboggling. However, there is the occasional, sweet, legislative moneyshot delivered via true statesmen (i.e. not politicians) like Dennis Kucinich that occasionally brings hope. Take this scene for example between Rumsfeld and Kucinich:



Extended pornographic metaphors aside now, Rumsfeld's statement about how "if there was [a press strategy] it obviously wasn't very good" is extremely deceptive. That statement, while seeming to be a moment of truth, a moment of admitting to not managing the war well, is not at all what it seems to be. In fact, it is itself part of the White House press strategy - to confuse, to dance around questions, to lay the blame elsewhere over and over again, creating a cycle of confusion that eventually leads to exhaustion among the investigators and, most importantly, confusion and apathy among the people.

Gonzales and now Rumsfeld have created such a mockery of the entire investigation(s), that it is impossible to understand the entire situation, the context of their lies and obfuscations. And considering the television culture and the medium's inablity to address complex issues, mixed with peoples' ever-dwindling attention spans, people simply grow frustrated. But because they cannot understand that it comes from intentional devious motives of the White House and Bush's appointees, I'm concerned that most people will get tired of the mostly-Democratic-led investigations. They will come to see the investigations as political theater, as a mere show fueled by partisan politics. In fact, that's how Tony Snow, other White House spokesmen and party-loyal Republicans are trying to frame the debate.

And the mainstream media continues to portray it as such. I wish people would explain that this is not about Bush or about Cheney. Those who want to get to the truth are not out to get Cheney or Bush. They are concerned for the OFFICE of president and the OFFICE of vice president. The limits of Bush and Cheney's power fell away the day after the collapse of the World Trade Center buildings. They took full advantage of the real fear people felt, and used it to butcher checks and balances and to give themselves powers never before entertained by previous administrations.

I wish one Democrat would stand up and ask Republicans how they will feel when Hillary is able to wiretap American citizens without a warrant. I can certainly tell you that Fox News would take up their torches and practically incite a riot outside the White House. They wouldn't allow Clinton to frame the debate so that it's about "protecting us from terrorists."

But, getting back to my point, that's what it's about - maintaining the delicate balance of federal power and the integrity of the constitution.

But also, to me, it's about being able to fucking believe in something. And that brings me to the troops, if you will. I'll preface it by saying that I am not fit for the service. I've always been more of an 'indoor kid,' a reader, a...confused twenty-something trying to find meaning in 21st century America.

That being said, I believe/hope most of the military, especially the young enlistees, genuinely and sincerely fight for their beliefs. They fight for their vision of America. It's true, I believe while some may enlist for financial or career options, many do so because they want to defend a way of life they believe to be the best in the world.

While I may have my own beliefs, I completely support these emotional and genuinely patriotic motivations.

THEREFORE:
We should morally support the troops by employing the utmost skepticism toward their actual combat use. Be fair to their ideals by using them only when the situation is most dire, when our way of life is truly in peril. And unless you are one of the underwhelmingly informed, yet passionately vocal minority, then you are aware that Iraq and Saddam Hussein had absolutely zero to do with the events on 9/11.

Furthermore:
When people say to support the troops via myspace bulletins detailing the hardships of soldiers in Iraq and ask you to repost it if you support the troops, and to not repost it if you don't care, well, that's fucking frustrating and, for lack of a better term, dumb. It lacks the depth of thought required in this situation. It lacks the depth of thought that the troops deserve.

When making the issue of troop support a black and white issue, it does a disservice to those in the military. It's not about either morally supporting or not morally supporting the actual people fighting and dying in Iraq. (A flag decal on your car doesn't get you into heaven.) No, of course we morally support any 18-year old kid or middle aged parent that is willing to put themselves in the way of bullets and explosive-wearing enemies to defend America. The point is to honor not only them, but the sincere visions of America for which they are fighting.

I believe the current adminstration is guilty of not supporting the troops or using them in accord with their reasons for enlistment. They only support them semantically, wielding patriotism as a political weapon while obscuring true patriotism. (Read the facts of Pat Tillman's death and the public relations-motivated coverup, and try and deny what's going on. It was a hell of a story, but it was a lie. And while Tillman can be called a hero, only the truth can do his sacrifice justice. Same thing with Jessica Lynch.)

It is this co-opting of troops' true motivations and struggles for political purposes and wars that I find disgusting and un-American. So support the troops not with mere decals (probably made in China), gung-ho flagwaving or by never saying anything remotely "negative" about their Commander-in-Chief, but instead by paying attention to their mishandling by the powers in charge. Instead of just posting pictures of the brutality and hardships in Iraq, juxtapose those images with the handshakes between war-mongering politicians and the Halliburton contractors as they prepare to reap the benefits of the military-industrial complex.

(By the way, that last term was coined not by some liberal long-hair or far left ruffian, but instead by a Republican president who also happened to be the Supreme Commander of the Allied forces in Europe. Dwight D. Eisenhower. Who, I am told, was hot fuck action to the max.)

Then again, paying attention to shit is hard. Waving a flag and calling the flagless cowards or uncaring is much easier.

An Open Letter to Nancy Grace

Dear Mrs. Grace,

May I call you Nancy? Thanks.

Nancy, it sure is a crazy world, huh? With all the vein-bursting, roid-raged professional wrestlers committing murder-suicides and the missing, beautiful white women and the so-unquestionably-guilty-we-might-as-well-skip-due process villains out there in the world, how do we ever have time for the little things? The, how do they say, stopping to smell the roses kind of moments.

The reason I write is because frankly Nancy, I'm concerned. I read you and your husband will be blessed with twins in January 2008, and while I wish you, your husband David and the kids all the best, I can't help but lace my well-wishes with points of caution and concern.

But you must excuse me - how rude I have been, not even introducing myself. My name is Josh, longtime viewer, first time letter-writer. I became a fan during your intrepid coverage of the Scott Peterson trial (very important knowledge for the sake of our democracy), and later you drove me to rabid fandom with your tactful interview of Elizabeth Smart. Remember, you invited her on the show to discuss a bill requiring sex offenders to register in their state of residence - but then you kept asking her about her own abduction, grilling her until she actually had to say some nonsense about not appreciating your bringing it up? Man, where does she get off getting in the way of your vicious, interrogative justice? You should have slapped that little bitch.

I'm well aware that we are able to enjoy you and bask in your radiant beams of judicial wisdom but for the tragic twists of fate. I read that your life as a young woman revolved around the written word, namely Shakesperean literature, and your goal was to be an English professor upon graduating college. Yet, life and God had different plans for you. Your fiance was murdered when you were only 19. Enrolling in law school, you must have nearly burned with motivation, your broken heart taking you down a path to law school and ultimately to being a supporter of victims' rights.

You even swore off marriage after his death. But, as you said yourself, life "can take a u turn," and "there is always hope."

And again, before I make my case, I hope you don't think I'm trying to detract from this glorious happiness that's descended upon you. But Nancy how are we to go on without you to guide us? We need you. As does America, the rule of law and...uh, the nation's babies. I know your two kids will obviously need the bittersweet nectar of your rotten teat, but from what will the rest of us be nourished? To what will we press our parched, justice-less lips when you take a leave of absence? We've continued consuming your thick milk of sensationalism for years now, spittle and drool dripping from the sides of our mouths, (cuz we just can't swallow that much justice at once) and dammit Nancy, we're hooked. If you make us take off this bib for too long, well, I can't promise anything. The type of people that watch your show are the kind of people that don't like waiting around for solutions to show up.

All I'm saying is, we're going to get lonely Nancy. And we might get desperate. We might even get angry. And without you to direct our self-righteous indignation, God help us, we might begin to wonder about your own personal life. It's true, perhaps your own husband and twins will become tabloid fodder as well, the very type of lowbrow but often vicious garbage in which you yourself peddle, and that most mainstream media outlets love.

See, you've made a career of boldly and confidently proclaiming baseless opinions and unchecked facts, speculating for the sake of speculation for the sake of ratings. You've spent so much time mastering your mock outrage and sarcastic comments toward anyone willing to express skepticism toward those claims, that I'm sure you're more than ready for a backlash. Right? You know how the mainstream media works. You know that by railing so absurdly against celebrity criminals and celebrity law cases, that you yourself have become an iconic celebrity. And it will be a heavy load to bear if and when you become embroiled in some personal scandal.

Don't be surprised if the hellhounds come salivating at the doorstep of your happiness, media canines rabid and ribald, propelled by the vitriolic context of television dialogue you have spent your career helping to foment. The Ghost of Sensationalism Past, Nancy, does not forget, and so whatever harsh media spotlight comes down on you and your family, don't expect leniency. Don't expect privacy for yourself or restraint from your media colleagues.

However, regardless of whether or not my hyperbolically described karmic retribution comes to pass, know that I will continue to watch you until you take time off from the show. We still care Nancy, and we just want you to be careful. Don't do anything that could get you caught up in the very machinery of ratings-driven, hyper-critical commentary you have been powering for years.

Because we still love you. Even though you got all your facts wrong about wrestler Chris Benoit's career history. Even though one of your interviews ended up making that one guest kill herself. Even though you brutalized all journalistic ethics when covering the Duke Lacrosse case. Even though your approach to guests is beyond rude. Even through it all, we're here for you.

Wishing You all the Best but Not Looking Forward to January 08,

Josh Justice



P.S.
May I suggest, postpartum, following in the path of Joan Rivers? You know, doing a show with your own demon spawn. Perhaps you could do another show for CourtTV and instead of Johnnie Cochran as co-host, use your twin babies? Hell, maybe you could even wait before their craniums are fully developed, you know, how the back of the head is still all soft and malleable. (Those soft spots are called fontanels, by the way, and they allow babies' rather large heads to more easily travel down the birth canal. But hey, you're a smart lady, you probably already knew that.) If the twins are girls, perhaps you could call the show Nancy Grace and the Gracettes. Or is that too soul band-ish? Let me know what you think of the idea. I'd love to work with you on the development of the show!

No, Not Gay Bombs. Gay Billyclubs.

I consider myself a pretty jaded person a lot of times. But I continue to be inspired by the imagination of Fox News. The only way to describe it is with adjectives that are themselves full of profanity - completely fucking mindboggling, brainfuckling, batshit crazy. Then again, I guess this next video/story is Bill O'Reilly finally elaborating on the "Homosexual Agenda" the far right always throws out. (Apparently it's to beat the shit out of people.)



The guest, Rod "Almost a Great Pornstar Name" Wheeler, quite ominously calls it a "National Underground Network" of lesbian deviants. Does he honestly mean to suggest that they are really that organized? A Network? A Crew? Like, a Legion?

Do they meet in the Hall of Doom, located beneath an anonymous swamp and devise plans with a Lex Lutherian lesbian leader? Do they have a five-point plan for the homosexualization of all good Christian children by the Spring of '08? Do they count Cheetah amongst their ranks, the cat-suit-wearing arch nemesis of Wonder Woman?

I, for one, find this news not so much threatening, a sign of a ruined culture full of feelings of disenfranchisement, or really, a cause for concern in the least bit, but instead...










Hot. That's right, America. Lesbians. Marauding bands of them assaulting innocent heterosexual men minding their own business. And if not men, they're assaulting other ladies, which also sounds pretty hot.

I consider this to be a great, great sign for the look and feel of the future apocalypse. I always imagined a sort of Mad Maxian future on the way anyway, but from the looks of things, the vast American wasteland of the dystopian future is looking a whooole lot sexier. Mr. Rod Wheeler didn't mention it, but I've heard rumor that the Lesbian Legion of Doom members dress in those big, awesome shoulder pads with spikes on them and have crazy mohawks.

Maybe I can join and observe them like Hunter S. Thompson did with the Hell's Angels. Except, you know, hot lesbians.


Honestly, didn't that news clip feel staged? I think both Bill and Rod just wish this story were true. And I guess it also helps to keep peoples' thoughts off the fact that the death toll for the past three months in Iraq - 329 - is the deadliest quarter for U.S. troops in Iraq since the war began in March 2003.

If there were only hot lesbian insurgents in Iraq, perhaps O'Reilly would talk about it.

I'm Ashamed of Myself, But Apparently Not Enough

Without even adding buffer posts between this post and the previous, I decided to address the media's current narrative fascination, the Paris Hilton Story - another meaningless sensation I have wavered between adamantly ignoring and briefly railing against, as recently as the previous post. So yeah, I recognize the hypocrisy. So I do regret adding another chunk of the Internet to this nonsense, but I'm hoping it's a better chunk of nonsense than others, a chunk of commentary on nonsense, if you will.

Originally I had planned to post the most recent CNN story about Hilton followed by a quote from Henry David Thoreau and then leave it at that.

Here's Thoreau, around 1854, in regard to all the hoopla over increased communications technology, and how he predicted it would mostly be a harbinger of world-wide trivialities and technology for the sake of technology.

From Walden:

"We are eager to tunnel under the Atlantic and bring the old world some weeks nearer to the new; but perchance the first news that will leak through into the broad, flapping American ear will be that Princess Adelaide has the whooping cough."



While discussing the situation with a friend of mine at the bar yesterday, he told me that he kind of felt sorry for her. In a way, I agree with his sentiment - she certainly has more attention paid to her than she may or may not desire, and no one can say how much of this being in the spotlight all her life has led to her (awful) personality. I understand that it's also not fair to judge celebrities, anyone you don't know - except, most talk of her and other celebrities as if they know them. So, I'm aware of that argument - that she gets shit on by people who don't know her.

And here's my rebuttal: If I did get to know her, I'm 99% sure that I would find her completely unbearable - the kind of idiot sorority girl at Texas Tech that never learns to avoid actions with negative, often financial, consequences, shrugging it off with a mention of how their dad will pay for it.

I'm also aware that I may be projecting personal aggression toward the idiots I have to deal with, on to a celebrity, on to Paris Hilton. She basically helps me feel better, in a vengeful sort of way, because she serves as a symbol of idiocy, the complete embodiment of the awful personality traits I despise in people in my own life.

So, in that regard, she is a tragic figure. A sort of pop-culture Atlas, bearing the weight of a world of grievances accrued by the frustrated common man, castrated and incapable of exacting his fantasized revenge. She's a symbol. And so when she wails "Mom, Mom. It's not right," as she's led out of the courtoom, we, (hmm, or is it just me?) feel a twinge of satisfaction. We feel that finally, justice has been served.

I have another social theory that attempts to explain the success of reality shows about the rich and famous, but that too may be a projection of mine. I'll go into more at a later date, but suffice to say that seeing rich people do stupid shit and commit morally questionable acts justifies middle-class Americans' class warrior attitudes, that rich people are in fact no better than anyone else - they just have more money. But it's not quite developed, so I probably should not have even mentioned it. Ah well.

But if you are tired of reading about Paris Hilton, and you damn well should be, I can confidently say that it's going to require responsiblity on the part of both the media, and ourselves. Individual responsibility in the form of refraining from reading that shit. Don't click the story. Web masters can follow that, and the most visited stories move up on the Web site and become the head story. Which is preposterous considering the other news out there. So next time you're tempted to read that story, take the initiative to read something about the Alberto Gonzales tomfoolery, policy positions of the less publicized presidential candidates, or, ANTHING that would promote democracy's most important necessity - an informed citizenry.


All right then - I'm removing my badge of moral superiority now - I'm just going to lay it down on top of my stack of US Weeklys for a minute.

The American Media Problem In a 24-second Nutshell

You can actually hear people yelling in the background of the MSNBC newsroom. Also, ironically, you have to watch an ad before you watch this clip. So truly, the American Media Problem in a nutshell:

Watch




True news is that which informs its citizenry in order to enable them to keep their freedoms. I'm still not sure how watching "Shore Leave" Hilton cry informs me with knowledge to know what my government is doing and how I can be a responsible citizen. You know what? Fuck you MSNBC.