Birth Control Via Delicious, Sugary Soda?

Listen up, teens and tweens! Dr. Josh here has heard some pretty nasty rumors about your sad lack of safe-sex awareness. And by rumors, I mean I read it on the Internets. Sounds like you Florida younguns don't know your ass from your elbow, nor your candyland areas from your soft drink nutrients.


According to a survey in Florida:

Florida teens who believe drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV and a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy have prompted lawmakers to push for an overhaul of sex education in the state.


And I thought abstinence-only education was such a foolproof strategy!


I guess my question is, do you take the shot of Mountain Dew before or after sex?

During perhaps?


(What a great ad campaign opportunity for this soda company, by the way.)


Another myth is that Florida teens also believe that smoking marijuana will prevent a person from getting pregnant, Local 6 reported.


Wait...

that's not true?


What about smoking out of a bong where the marijuana smoke is cooled with ice cold Mountain Dew? What about snorting lines of Mr. Pibb? I read somewhere that doing that during foreplay is supposed to cause one's genitals to emit an aroma unfavorable and repellent to pubic lice. True story.

I guess we should be thankful girls aren't douching with Sierra Mist.

'Cuz come one, everybody knows it's holy water that keeps the lady doctor away.


I'm hoping Florida doesn't let this scare the state lawmakers into changing their policy toward some more comprehensive, fact-and-reality-based education program. God forbid our nation's youth know that condoms, not high-fructose corn syrup and yellow 5, help prevent pregnancy and STDs.


What we really need is not a bunch of know-it-all perverts telling our kids about the rubbers and the AIDS, what we need are any of the following suggestions I've cooked up in my science lab:

- Wizards.
- Magic 8 Balls. (These could be passed out for free at Planned Parenthood!) Simply ask the fortune-telling sphere whether or not the expectant sexual encounter will result in creating another human life, or if you will develop a venereal Legion of Doom that attacks your Geni-pals.
Of course, if you end up getting one of those stupid "Better not tell you now" answers, I suggest safety by breaking open the toy and chugging that dark blue liquid in which the magic die floats.
- Don't confuse open sores with the little known and rare ability to excrete delicious Big Red. As in, don't lick open sores until you have confirmed your partner is indeed leaking red cream soda.
- Coitus Interreptus. This always works. Consider it a very sexy time out.


Taking a moment for personal reflection, I think maybe I know where the Mountain Dew thing comes from - I remember in high school the rumor that the ingredient, Yellow 5, a dye used to attain that wonderful, golden, piss-of-the-Gods glow inherent to the beverage, was supposed to make guys sterile. And while my six children with six different woman attest otherwise, my kids did at least come out a very unique, lemony yellow color.



Other points/sites of interest:
This World War II propaganda poster targeted toward U.S. military:


Here you can read about a bunch of hot teenagers wasting their good looks on abstinence and some bullshit called "secondary virginity." It's called It's Great to Wait. The jury's still out on the greatness.

Ix-Nay on the Ucking-Fay

Yesterday my mom came in my room with an unusually serious expression and said, "Josh, we need to talk about something." Naturally, I became a little concerned, not really a matter of a guilty conscience, but just nervous about something potentially dreadful of which I was not previously aware. I asked, "About what?" to which she classically replied, "I want you to wait 'til you're married to have sex."

After a brief moment of silence where one of my eyebrows probably shot above my hairline, we both had a good laugh. She then told me she had seen this commercial:





Dude, when I was the age of most of these kids, I was still giggling at sexually-posed action figures.

Then again, that's not really different from now.

But on a more serious point, the most recent federal report on abstinence-only programs reveals they've had “no impacts on rates of sexual abstinence.”

I'm so glad our tax dollars are funding programs that don't actually work, but that make conservatives (who are probably too prudish to ever actually follow the advice of this commercial) feel better.

I'm comfortable with Lubbock?!?!?

All right, first let me start out by saying it has been a very long time since I have posted anything on here. In fact, one could say I have non-existent in contributing to our blog. My excuse: none; just pure laziness. Well, I did attempt one yesterday, however I broke my computer in the process. So, I am starting fresh. There will be more postings by me and more pictures. Ironically, I have only posted one entry containing pictures. And I was the one who wanted a photography blog. What a failure I am. Oh well…

Well, one of us (us being the two contributors to this blog) has escaped. Escaped the good ol’ shiny brass buckle of the Bible Belt, otherwise know as Lubbock, TX. (“Lubbock, Texas, which has more churches per capita than anywhere else in the nation. [4]” – from Wikipedia under the “Bible Belt” entry. The [4] is a reference from a Washington Post article.) But yes, it is true. One of us has conquered the buckle. I can only image how it must feel being away from it all. Obviously, I am still here. Working. Slowly plotting my escape. Or my imminent doom. Which ever comes first.

I have found myself in a strange state of mind. A perplexed reality. I see that it is possible to escape, although I constantly find reasons to stay longer. I have had my chances. To move to Dallas. To move to the Rio Grande Valley area, and be closer to home. I have had chances to move outside of Texas, to Portland or Colorado. I even have the option to travel with my close friend, Chris, around the world for a year. Simply living in his houseboat and going wherever we desired. He would write and continue his freelance web design work, while I would photograph and probably start writing again. We have talked about this for years. He is not tied down by anything as long as he Internet. I, however, have been the one to question so much. Not about where we will go or what we will do or how we will survive; it has been what will I do with my life here. The more I contemplate this, the more I realize I have less and less here everyday. Friends are leaving. Work is getting worse ever day. I need to leave. I should just go. But I find myself comfortable here.

Comfortable in Lubbock, Texas. It is a strange feeling. To be comfortable. Josh and I were talking one day about the idea of being comfortable. I don’t exactly remember the conversation, but I do remember it involved the thought of “being comfortable” as a bad thing. We both agreed that we thought the idea to become comfortable somewhere was a GOOD thing, great even. The thought of finding a place, a job, a life that you were comfortable with, happy with. Sounds like the perfect scenario to me. But no. Apparently “being comfortable” is frowned upon in today’s fast-paced world. When did this happen? And who decided “being comfortable” was such a bad thing? Has “being comfortable” become the new phrase for “I’m content?” I can understand the desire for one to challenge themselves, but can you not say you are comfortable with your life and job and STILL challenge yourself?

I have decided that I want to live more like a caveman. Maybe in modern times. Maybe in prehistoric times. But the idea of carrying a large wooden club around and beating everything and anything you want and need, and then dragging it off to your refuge sounds like the best life ever. I mean think about it. You want a meal, grab your club, go out and club a cow (or lion or dinosaur or saber-tooth tiger – all depending on which time period you pick) and enjoy. I mean sure, you probably need to cook it, with all the diseases and whatnot. Or, fuck it and just eat it raw. I mean you don’t see animals cooking their food do you? Did cavemen? Probably not. Well, maybe they cooked it briefly over a fire, but that would be about it.

I really don’t know what my point was with that. All I know is that I am comfortable. But I would be more comfortable if I was carrying around a big fucking wooden club. And yes, I would be challenging myself. I mean, really, do you think something would just sit there and let you club it? No. You’re going to have to chase after the fucking thing. Hell, that’s not only a challenge, that’s a damn workout.

I know one thing that’s for sure. I would have a fucking pet dinosaur. And that too, would also provide daily challenges.

All I know is, life sucks. You think you are happy, and then someone tells you that you aren’t. They tell you to do more, to become more. Depression is a way of life. Well, to me it is. Maybe the answer is to leave. Maybe I should travel around the world. I think first I will start small and escape the Bible Belt. I just realized (I am typing this in word and then pasting it) that word tells you to capitalize “Bible.” Why is this? I am not specifying a specific bible. I am sure there are multiple bibles out there. Hell, we have a store here called Bible Mart! Ironically, it went out of business…this is great, a bible store going out of business in the “buckle” of the Bible belt. (I put the word buckle in parenthesis because several places claim to be said buckle of said Bible Belt.)


On a side note, has anyone seen the Trojan Condom commercial where a lady walks into a bar full of pigs? This angers me. It basically says that all guys go to bars to pick up chicks and have sex with them, and unless they use a condom…and apparently is has to be a Trojan brand condom…they are pigs. Well, I for one take great offense. I go to the bar to get drunk. That’s it. And just because I may actually talk to a girl while at a bar…a bar I came to drink at, mind you…doesn’t mean that all I want is to get into her pants! – More on this later, I will try to find the commercial to post along with my rant.