Dear God! Where Will Our Nation's College Girls Go Wild?

Guys, are you sitting down? Drunk girls, do you have some kleenex? Because I just read "Rising Seas Likely to Flood U.S. History," a piece on the effects of global warming, and after mentions of losses including America's first settlement and the Florida launch pad where we first sent a man into space, this boldly stood out as our potentially greatest loss :

Storm surges worsened by sea level rise will flood the waterfront getaways of rich politicians _ the Bushes' Kennebunkport and John Edwards' place on the Outer Banks. And gone will be many of the beaches in Texas and Florida favored by budget-conscious students on Spring Break.


NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

God, first New Orleans and now this? Could this be the end...of Spring Break? Of "WHOOOOOO SPRING BREEAAAK!!!" and breasts covered only by the occassional frat puke or spilled tequila shot? When spring rolls around in the future, will we all get a wistful, distant look in our eyes, and remember the good ol' days before Al Gore had to come around and fucking ruin our good times?

I mean, how are we going to break the news to these guys? It will break their very spirits.





So, calling all bros, a bro-lert if you will, we gotta do something about this Bro-bal warming dudes. I would suggest that we could just go back and take over the ski-lodges with our feathered haircuts and willingness to challenge geeks on the most dangerous hills, all 80s movie style and shit, but I'm beginning to even worry about those.