Mitt Romney - What A Guy! What an AMERICAN!

Announcing his withdrawal from the presidential race today, Romney dropped this zinger in his speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference:

If I fight on in my campaign, all the way to the convention, I would forestall the launch of a national campaign and make it more likely that Senator Clinton or (Barack) Obama would win. And in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign, be a part of aiding a surrender to terror.


Yes! That's what I'm talking about. How can we let these democrap pussies just hand over our fighting men and women to the terrorists? Because we know that's what they want, and even though I can't find any quotes to prove it, I can just feel it. I can tell Romney has those same awesome guts that Bush does, the ones more trustworthy than any silly brain full of liberal reasoning. Hell, Barack HUSSEIN Obama and Billary would probably want to sit down over martinis and negotiate surrender with Osama Bin Laden, with Sean Penn as some Hollywood moderator.

God, what a selfless hero this Romney is, huh? Willingly stepping aside for the good of his own party so that America can live on to kick more ass for another 100 years in Iraq, not sully our good name with surrender and wasteful spending on things like healthcare or education. Because, let's face it, how can anyone have healthcare or pass math if. . .


THEY'RE DEAD!

That's right Democrats. Your victory would mean American surrender and American DEATH. ALL DEATH. Surrender is only one step away from instating the Koran in place of our constitution, having to get rid of all our God-given SUVs (probably hand 'em over to THE GAYS), and have our delicious white women dress in erection-stifling layers of robes, leading to a decrease in our good whitebread population, which would then lead to a weakness against those marauding Mexicans to the south dedicated to taking over our country...GOddamn liberal, pinko, commie fag dope fiend hollywood Democrats!! (grammar is actually quite smart in its choice to surrender to my American Rage.)


I must admit I'm kind of sad about Romney's withdrawal. I was really hoping he would win the nomination and announce his poet laureate as Charlie Daniels, singer of such inspirational favorites as "(What This World Needs Is) A Few More Rednecks" and "This Ain't No Rag, It's a Flag."



(Oh God, I'm concerned I might accidentally attract real conservative readers with this.)