The Perfect Product for the Modern, On-the-Go, American Woman

Too bad I didn't know about this before the holiday season, otherwise our prodigious female readership/fanbase would have scored a sweet new gift for their dangerous 2008 adventures.

Check it out! The new iTaser:



And notice the hot colors that must obviously appeal to the targeted feminine demographic.

Come on ladies, how could you not want that leopard print mp3 player/taser?

From the Guardian (includes video of woman testing it out):

Arizona-based Taser International sells the handheld stun guns under the rather hyperbolic banner of "Changing the World and Protecting Lives". It maintains that the iTaser "allows for both personal protection and personal music for people on the go".

According to Rick Smith, founder of the company, "personal protection can be both fashionable and functionable".

I imagine it would be rather surreal to tase the piss out of someone (yes, that really happens) while listening to Leonard Cohen or, imagining something even stranger, "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show" by Neil Diamond. Really, it's kind of fun to imagine what one could listen to while dropping someone to their knees with 50,000 volts of very sexy and always fashionable electricity.

But ladies, the more I think about this combination of technologies, how can you hear your attacker if you're listening to that hot new jam from Birdman and Lil' Wayne? Then again, since you ladies are more attuned to the likes of Damien Rice and Regina Spektor, maybe you can still hear the pitter-patter of ruffian footsteps over that soft pap.

What would actually be a lot cooler is if it not only tased the person, but it then broadcast whatever mp3 the lady was listening to via a built-in speaker so the "tasee" would never again be able listen to that song without pissing his pants.

When are they going to make one for men? And I don't mean just men, but MEN. Yeah, like, can I get one with some trucks or tractors or my favorite Nascar driver's number on there? Or maybe a bikini-clad broad holding an assault rifle and petting a pit bull? Fuck yeah! Get on that shit, Taser International, and fast!