moving sucks. life decisions suck. then you die.

So, for those of you that don't already know...or for those that care to know...I have moved to a different house.

Still in Lubbock. Still in the Bible Belt. Don't worry, I may not be leaving for a while.

Back to the moving part...

I would say I was pretty happy with where I was living. It was a pretty central location in Lubbock. Decent neighborhood. Nice neighbors. Oh, we had a Korean Baptist church across the street and on Sunday's after church we would sit in our front yard and watch them play ping pong in the church parking lot...very shibby! I paid about $400 total a month ($300 rent + $100 bills roughly) which wasn't great, but was affordable; plus having an extra room for whatever made it worth it. I planned on staying here until I left Lubbock; I was no longer in a lease and could leave whenever I wanted/needed to.

The our landlord starting having health issues. Basically, he is pretty close to
kicking the proverbial bucket. I feel bad because he is a good guy. Granted, he took a while to get shit fixed around the house, but still...a good guy. Well, because of said health issues, he was moved into a old-person hospital. Basically, a retirement home type thing. Sucks. Well, we kept paying rent by simply giving the rent check to his wife...who took them without thinking twice. We then started having some minor problems around the house. Our bathroom lights went out (not just the bulbs like something electrical) and our screen door pretty much got ripped to shit by some of the bad wind storms we have had. Both minor inconveniences, we (Eric and I) figured out ways around the problems.

I mentioned the problems to the landlords wife and she knew nothing. She told me she would try to ask the landlord, but guaranteed nothing. This went on for about three months. Finally, since we weren't in a lease, I figured the best situation was to move out. I was afraid that if something major happened (ac goes out, major leaks, etc.) she would know and do nothing. Well, the second I mention moving out to her, she very quickly gives me the number for the landlords son, the son who has been taking over the rent houses they have. WELL FUCK!! This would have been great information about two months ago. I could have called him and gotten shit fixed and not moved out. Well, I then find out that they are turning over the house to a leasing agency. I then reassure myself that it is time to move out. I was sure that if we stayed, we would be forced to sign a lease and they (the leasing agency) could possibly raise the rent.

I would have stayed, but I do not want to sign a lease anywhere. I don't know when I am leaving Lubbock, although it looks like later than sooner, but I do not want to be tied into a lease.

So Eric moved into a pretty fucking sweet efficiency. This efficiency was once a pool (with water type pool) house and was converted into said efficiency.

I moved into a house with my friend Kyle. It is a pretty sweet deal. I would stay a long or short as I wanted. It is closer to work (I could ride a bike if it hadn't been stolen). And it's the same I was paying at my old house.

Now I hate moving. I mean hate it.

Sure, there is the whole "starting over" aspect. And it gives me a chance to get rid of a bunch of shit. Especially since the house I moved into is fully furnished.

But I am lazy. I waited until the last minute to move. I really didn't pack much. It finally got to the point where I just started throwing shit in my Jeep and going. I will mention, having a Jeep made it a little easier to move, although I still needed the assistance of David and his truck. Well, like I said, because I waited so long and pretty much threw shit in my Jeep I didn't go through much. I have been doing that lately, once I got everything out of the old house.

Fuck, this has been a pretty depressing weeks. Apparently, I held onto a lot of shit from my past. Here is a list of some things that I found that really put me in a bad mood:

- pictures of family - back when things were good, everyone was healthy and happy.

- pictures of my dogs which we no longer have - I know it may sound gay but since my parents raised Golden Retrievers and I had no brothers or sisters, the Goldens kinda were my siblings. I would run around with them and whatnot. One of them actually played soccer with me...I'll have to explain later. But they were great. I always felt happy with them.

- pictures of deceased family and friends - I think this one pretty much defines itself.

- senior high school yearbook - now this isn't that big of a deal, although I kinda miss those day, but it reminded me that all my other yearbooks along with all my childhood pictures, etc; families belongings; family memories; basically everything that me and my parents owned was in a storage place that gotten broken into and everything was stolen. So basically, all we own is the few things we have had for about the last five year. All our physical memories, except for what we have for the last five years, are gone.

- unused college graduation invitations - basically this was a reminder that I really haven't done much with my life in the three+ years since my graduation. In fact, I am still working in the same department that I got my degree from. Sure, I am doing something and my be impacting some students somehow, but I feel like I have done nothing. When I was in high school, I was making about 50k a year just bartending. I would go back, but the place I made this much money at has been closed...for several reasons.

- pictures of my ex gf - I do not know why I still had them stashed away. But they helped me remember how things are now...sad and lonely. Damn cheating whore.

- many other little things that just made me remember my past and how much happier I was then.

I mean, I always knew moving was a pain in the ass, but I never know how depressing it could be.

I am still slowly in the process of unpacking and honestly don't want to finish. The idea of living out of boxes for a while seems like an interesting concept to me. Unfortunately, with the amount of crap I still have, this will be somewhat impossible.

Plus, there is no telling how long I will be staying here in this house.

I had a plan. And I was going to follow it no matter what. Move out of Lubbock in January. Great plan. If I didn't find a job elsewhere, I would head to Dallas; surely I could find something there.

Then more duties at work came. Then came shitty employees I had to cover for and eventually fire. (I have fired two people this semester, and it felt damn good too!) Basically, I really did not have time to look for any jobs anywhere. Well, I still decided I would just move to Dallas and find work and save and look for better employment. Still an OK plan, until...



NEW CAR!!! yea! But with this comes car payments and insurance payments. BOO!!

Yeah, I know it's a shitty picture, but still.

But I didn't have much of a choice. My old car was dying and was costing me more money to fix than will my new car payments.

So, having a steady paycheck, while it may not be much, sure helps a lot. It also, has really got me thinking about future plans. Near future at least.

Plus, there is grad school. I have always planned on going back, eventually. My parents are constantly pressuring me to go back.

OH, did I mention I get a free class from being a Tech employee? Well, I surely do.

Plus, since I would be going to get a Master's in the same department I am working, the same department I already know everyone in, might make things a little easier in terms of getting help, etc. Sure they would bust my ass more, but I would appreciate the challenge more since I know them.

I know it is probably not the best idea to stay. But I have too much here right now with my current situations. Mainly the steady paycheck and somewhat easy job. AND there is a lot of shit going down at my department and there have been talks of moving me up.

So, I don't know where my life is going. I am going to try to get into some grad classes in Spring and see if this is really what I want to do. I know I have several people in Mass Comm backing me to go to grad school and teach. Part of me wants to. Part of me whats to leave and find something else, possibly something better.

I do know this: If I do stay another semester. Which will most likely be my last (I know, I have been saying that for two years now). I need and will get my shit together. If I do decide to go to grad school, I may stay at Tech. But I doubt I will be working at Tech. Unless things change greatly, Spring (if I stay) will be my last semester working at Tech.



Wow, I really did not expect this to be so long. And kinda boring. I would apologize, but fuck it. It's my blog.

I am sure some of you, maybe many of you, are unhappy with this. Possibly angry and you think I am dumb for staying at Tech any longer. But I really feel, at least with the way things are right now, this may be a better situation for me; certainly not THE BEST, but for where I am both financially and emotionally, it may have to do.

Damn. Sometimes I am really dumb about life decisions.



Oh, on a side note, I have started therapy again. Fun times.