Because We All Know Jesus Could Have Used Some Novelty T-Shirts

Let's face it, Jesus was no fashionista. If He were alive today, He would probably be brutally critiqued on TLC's "What Not to Wear" program.

You thought the crucifixion was tough? Well Mr. Jesus, you haven't met the hosts, Stacy London and Clinton Kelly! In this Peabody Award-winning public service show, the participant gets a credit card valued at 5,000 bucks to buy a whole new wardrobe in exchange for throwing out their existing clothes. The hosts then take any willing participants to New York for shopping, haircuts and demeaning and often sarcastic evaluations of their purchases. Eventually, the previously pathetic and totally worthless participant has a new look that is approved by the two fashion consultants.

Jesus simply wouldn't be able to turn the other cheek when this guy told him what not to wear.




Now, once Jesus is all fixed up in his new duds, all we've got to worry about are his followers. One gay man and his "Shut up!"-yelling ladyfriend (this is the comment that comes out of her mouth when she approves of the end result of her own work) simply can't clothe all His followers, or even a single denomination.

Luckily we have the fine retailers at christianshirts.net to provide us with the hippest and hottest in totally awesome t-shirts. Praise the Lord!

My favorites, some followed by their accompanying quotes:


"In secular American society people want to take God out of everything and get a free ticket to heaven. This shirt tells them it doesn't work that way!"
(As a secular American, I guess I'll just have to burgle a Christian to get that ticket to heaven I'm so worried about.)



"These Christian shirts are a fun way to state a serious message about evolution."
(Very serious, indeed.)


"With environmentalism being very popular these days, make sure people don't forget about the unborn with this funny tee shirt."
(Because we all know the inherent hilarity of fetuses.)



(Well, Charles Darwin did say that.)


And lastly...



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